The Curse of the Crapping Crows

Crows.
The Al-Qaeda of the Bird world.Those ugly,black birds who love to torment smaller birds and terrorize the hell out of them.Who when they open their mouth make singers like Anu Malik look good.Who have got to be stopped before they can cause anymore destruction!

But maybe its too late now.Because the human race has been hit with it.The human race has been hit with the Curse.The Curse of the Crapping Crows.I have been one of the victims of the Curse and this is my story.....

I was in junior college back then.I was scribbling on my friend Jha's book when I was unceremoniously thrown out of my IT lecture for not writing the notes.Jha was excused from writing the same as he had a crepe bandage around his hand to show that he had injured it.Although it had been a month since he had recovered,he still sported the bandage for more than obvious reasons.Anyway,back to the story.....

So there I was standing in the corridor wondering what to do,when I suddenly started getting these hunger pangs.So,I decided to head down to the cafeteria to get a vadapav.On my way there I passed some other teachers,nodded at them and continued walking towards the cafeteria.I knew that later,they would probably kick my butt for that.

So I decided to get two vadapavs.

I mean,if you know your going to get screwed in the future,you might as well enjoy the present.It's all about living in the moment,you see.Well,with these pleasant thoughts I entered the cafeteria.

Now the cafeteria of our college is an open air cafeteria.There is a counter from where you could get your food,chairs to sit on and tables too.There was a large tree with a platform built around its base as an alternative seating area.Holding both vadapavs in my hands I dragged a plastic chair with my leg and placed it under the tree,in front of the platform.I sat down on my chair,stretched my feet out on the platform and took a bite of the delicious vadapav.

Just then a crow flew down to the platform and started staring at me.I knew that it wanted some of my vadapav and that's when I committed my first mistake.
I yelled out,''BOO!".Advice #1: Never boo a crow.Even if your friends challenge you to do it,never ever boo a crow.

Crowing away at the top of its lungs,the crow flew back to the branches above.Five seconds later,all the crows perched on the branches of that tree started crowing loudly.That was the war cry.That was supposed to be a warning sign for me but lost in the ever so delicious taste of the vadapav,I made my second mistake.
I ignored it.Advice #2:Never ignore the war cry of the crows.The moment you hear it,you better leave everything and run for your life.

And then,they attacked.Within ten seconds the war was over.The debris of their crap bombs surrounded me.Fortunately,most of them had a bad aim.I was still hit in five places though.I was injured by two bombs on both legs and another two on both shoulders.The fifth bomb was the most painful.

It had landed in my vadapav.

I suffered from post-traumatic-shock for the entire of next week.And the worst thing that could happen was that the Curse continued.There was no looking back from that incident.Rather,it was all about looking up,and watching out for the next bomb;for from that day onwards I was attacked at least once a week.

I thought it was never going to end.No amount of weird tribal dances and animal sacrifices helped.I was just about to go crazy,when it suddenly stopped with that one last attack.
My friend Varun and I were on his bike and were just riding under the huge tree diagonally opposite to the Mc'Donalds near Thane station,when the bomb struck me.This time it hit me square on the face.The moment it hit me,my vision blurred and I thought that we had had an accident.But I still felt the bike moving,and thats when I got the smell and thats when I realized.The entire right side of my face was was injured.I yelled at Varun to pull over.I jumped off the bike and started tearing off papers from my book to wipe my face.

Varun turned around to see what happened and burst out laughing.He stopped laughing the moment I told him that some had even landed on his Mumbai Indians jersey.People can be so insensitive you see.I mean,come on I looked like Two-face from Batman.

But after that incident the curse started wearing off;the crows started missing their aim,and I was relieved.I think thats the objective of the Curse.The only way to be free from it, is to be hit straight in the face.

That's how I survived to tell the tale.I'm just hoping now that Danny Boyle reads this and makes an Oscar winning movie out of it.I mean if he could make Slumdog win an Oscar.......................