Bollywood C-rap

Since the past few years,it has been clearly evident that Bollywood has employed the use of rap in their music.Now,you can call this changing with times.Well,I call it un-originality.C'mon, aren't we ashamed of copying movie plots from America's very own Hollywood that we have to even copy their music now.And we aren't even doing a good job of it.But what the hell,the masses enjoy it,so nobody really gives a shit.
As for the trend,well now its being continued by stunt maniac Akshay Kumar.You may be under the impression that it was started by the (supposedly) cool dude Abhishek Bacchan, but it was actually started by Nana Patekar,Mamta Kulkarni and Atul Agnihotri.Surprised?Well,all I can say is just watch the video:


I'll not say much on this topic except that I'm glad that I was only four at that time and was saved from suffering any sort of mental trauma from watching this video.
I think this is one of the few videos where you'd find Nana Patekar dancing, let alone show his expertise in Marathi rap.

I Hate............

1) I hate attention seeking people.
Reason: They're insecure douche-bags.


2) I hate attention giving people.
Reason: They're even bigger douche-bags.


3) I hate people who do stuff just because other people do it.
Reason: They have no fucking imagination.


4) I hate people who believe whatever astrologers say.
Reason: They're common sense is always on vacation.


5) I hate wasting food.
Reason: Its as good a sin as murder.


6) I hate people who waste food.
Reason: You already know it.You don't want me coming after you for that.


7) I hate going for shopping,especially with women.
Reason: Its like an exercise.


8) I hate it when people judge me at buffets.
Reason: It makes me feel guilty.


9) I hate it when people photograph me when I'm eating.
Reason: They always catch me at the wrong time and with the wrong facial expression.


10) I hate it that by this time you're already considering me to be an opinionated asshole.
Reason: I can't help it.

The Poet

Has it ever happened to you,in one of those weird pensive moments when everything just starts to rhyme and the next thing you know you start writing poetry which otherwise you suck at.Well the following poem has been a result of one of my pensive moments.I just cant figure out whether its a poem or a rap song......
A word of advice:Read it slowly to feel it
_____________________________________________________________________


There she stood in the pouring rain,
waiting for the bus,since she had missed the train,
From across the street I looked at her,
To me she was beautiful,others begged to differ.


But I didn't care,mesmerized that I was,
just looking at her waiting for the bus,
And then suddenly realizing that soon she would go,
I left my company at the booth by the window.


Stepping out into the rain,I ran across the street,
Wishing that my exit had been a little more discreet,
all along wondering what to say,
anything straight that wasn't gay.


So I asked her out,in my voice so deep,
All she said was "Get away from me you creep",
Surprised that I was,I took a step behind,
At that moment I was out of my mind.


Next thing I know I'm in a hospital bed,
wondering at first whether I was alive or dead,
But that was until I saw her face,
where the tears of relief had left their trace.


For the first few days,I was incapable of walking,
So we spent our time doing a lot of talking,
Soon she helped me walk on my feet again,
With her beside me,I couldn't even feel the pain.


And then again,I asked her out,
Hoping against hope,that she wouldn't yell or shout,
What I had felt you can only guess,
the moment I heard that beautiful 'yes'.


So we dated a bit and I got to know,
That it was better to take it a little bit slow,
Inside my head I was still a mess,
my true feelings for her I couldn't confess.


So I left it all in the hands of Fate,
who played his cards on that fateful date,
when on a clear day we went to the park,
little knowing that soon,situations would get dark.


I lay on the grass my head on her lap,
Within her gaze,I felt myself entrap,
Those two brown pools in their seas of white,
as beautiful as the moon in the dark of the night.


"I've never felt this way before",said she,
"I need to know...Do you really love me?"
I looked into her eyes,so filled with doubt,
And for some reason the words failed my mouth.


She mistook my silence for a 'no',
With tears in her eyes she arose to go,
And at that moment it hit me more than ever,
that I wanted to be with her for now,forever.


So I grabbed her hand and held her close,
I kissed her cheeks,I kissed her nose,
I wiped her eyes off their dew,
As I whispered in her ear "I love you".

Layout Sources

The blog title came first.Don't ask me why I came up with it, because even I don't know.Maybe, because of the eerie and mysterious aura that constantly surrounds it.Yup, that's the one I'm talking about.You'll get the effect if you'll say it in your head in the deep voice of that creepy old guy who stays next door to you.Yeah,just like that.

OK,that's enough.Spine-chilling,eh?That's what I thought too.

The pic came later,though.It's a 1942 painting by Edward Hopper that portrays people sitting in a downtown diner late at night.It's name is 'Nighthawks',probably the painter's take on the term 'night owl' ,used to describe someone who stays up late.Apparently,he began painting it immediately after the attack on Pearl Harbor.I got all of that from Google.

Anyways,I liked the painting and it's really awesome.The entire eerie glow caused by the light spilling out on the pavement,the shadows,the positioning of the customers,the splendid use of the colours,the bartender,his awesome hat,those two kegs probably filled with........

Sorry I tend to drift away from the topic sometimes.I seem to be doing that a lot lately.I don't know if it actually is a psychological problem or not.Maybe,I should visit my shrink again......

Anyways,it took me a lot of time to find this pic and I liked it the moment I saw it.It kinda fits the bill,doesn't it?What do yeh think?

The Curse of the Crapping Crows

Crows.
The Al-Qaeda of the Bird world.Those ugly,black birds who love to torment smaller birds and terrorize the hell out of them.Who when they open their mouth make singers like Anu Malik look good.Who have got to be stopped before they can cause anymore destruction!

But maybe its too late now.Because the human race has been hit with it.The human race has been hit with the Curse.The Curse of the Crapping Crows.I have been one of the victims of the Curse and this is my story.....

I was in junior college back then.I was scribbling on my friend Jha's book when I was unceremoniously thrown out of my IT lecture for not writing the notes.Jha was excused from writing the same as he had a crepe bandage around his hand to show that he had injured it.Although it had been a month since he had recovered,he still sported the bandage for more than obvious reasons.Anyway,back to the story.....

So there I was standing in the corridor wondering what to do,when I suddenly started getting these hunger pangs.So,I decided to head down to the cafeteria to get a vadapav.On my way there I passed some other teachers,nodded at them and continued walking towards the cafeteria.I knew that later,they would probably kick my butt for that.

So I decided to get two vadapavs.

I mean,if you know your going to get screwed in the future,you might as well enjoy the present.It's all about living in the moment,you see.Well,with these pleasant thoughts I entered the cafeteria.

Now the cafeteria of our college is an open air cafeteria.There is a counter from where you could get your food,chairs to sit on and tables too.There was a large tree with a platform built around its base as an alternative seating area.Holding both vadapavs in my hands I dragged a plastic chair with my leg and placed it under the tree,in front of the platform.I sat down on my chair,stretched my feet out on the platform and took a bite of the delicious vadapav.

Just then a crow flew down to the platform and started staring at me.I knew that it wanted some of my vadapav and that's when I committed my first mistake.
I yelled out,''BOO!".Advice #1: Never boo a crow.Even if your friends challenge you to do it,never ever boo a crow.

Crowing away at the top of its lungs,the crow flew back to the branches above.Five seconds later,all the crows perched on the branches of that tree started crowing loudly.That was the war cry.That was supposed to be a warning sign for me but lost in the ever so delicious taste of the vadapav,I made my second mistake.
I ignored it.Advice #2:Never ignore the war cry of the crows.The moment you hear it,you better leave everything and run for your life.

And then,they attacked.Within ten seconds the war was over.The debris of their crap bombs surrounded me.Fortunately,most of them had a bad aim.I was still hit in five places though.I was injured by two bombs on both legs and another two on both shoulders.The fifth bomb was the most painful.

It had landed in my vadapav.

I suffered from post-traumatic-shock for the entire of next week.And the worst thing that could happen was that the Curse continued.There was no looking back from that incident.Rather,it was all about looking up,and watching out for the next bomb;for from that day onwards I was attacked at least once a week.

I thought it was never going to end.No amount of weird tribal dances and animal sacrifices helped.I was just about to go crazy,when it suddenly stopped with that one last attack.
My friend Varun and I were on his bike and were just riding under the huge tree diagonally opposite to the Mc'Donalds near Thane station,when the bomb struck me.This time it hit me square on the face.The moment it hit me,my vision blurred and I thought that we had had an accident.But I still felt the bike moving,and thats when I got the smell and thats when I realized.The entire right side of my face was was injured.I yelled at Varun to pull over.I jumped off the bike and started tearing off papers from my book to wipe my face.

Varun turned around to see what happened and burst out laughing.He stopped laughing the moment I told him that some had even landed on his Mumbai Indians jersey.People can be so insensitive you see.I mean,come on I looked like Two-face from Batman.

But after that incident the curse started wearing off;the crows started missing their aim,and I was relieved.I think thats the objective of the Curse.The only way to be free from it, is to be hit straight in the face.

That's how I survived to tell the tale.I'm just hoping now that Danny Boyle reads this and makes an Oscar winning movie out of it.I mean if he could make Slumdog win an Oscar.......................

My First Post

When I first heard the word 'blog' I immediately assumed that it was some game that some crazy kids must've came up with,which probably involved throwing stuff at one another.I don't know why I thought that,but I did.Anyways,as I gradually learnt about the entire concept,a new theory started forming in my mind.I came to a conclusion that all these bloggers are actually a bunch of attention seeking people who constantly want other people to know about them,to follow their views and also engage them in their day-to-day lives.All so that they can go to bed at night knowing that somewhere,someplace their thoughts and experiences have affected somebody in some way or the other.How pathetic.


But that was then,and now is now.

Now,as I'm writing my first post on my blog,I just realized something about my bloggers-are-attention-seeking-idiots theory.

I realized that I was bloody RIGHT all this time!!
I mean c'mon the mere fact that there are a certain bunch of people in this world who are actually spending their time reading the shit that you write is so freaking awesome!!!
But hell,who am I to comment;because after all even I've joined the bandwagon now and I've got to admit I'm finding that blogging thing is kinda cool.So this is it......My First Post.